Well, its been over a year - much, much over a year - and how things have changed. Two children are now three, work (outside the home) is no more, and even beyond these obvious changes my life has changed in many, many ways.
I have wanted to resurrect this blog for some time now - I am finding that now that I am at home full time I often want to download a little, and have more good stuff to share! I am still an avid reader of several regular blogs, and am always on the lookout for new ones, so want to get amongst it again. It seems like so much to update on so I'll just give the basics and then pick up where I left off as it were.
I left work in April 2009 to stay at home full time - this has been a good decision in every way except financial. We are okay financially, but I would be lying if I said we didn't miss my income. However, in EVERY other way it has been the best thing I have done, or we have done. My friendships have expanded, my community involvement and awareness have expanded, I am now more involved in church life, and I know my kids better. And, a scary thought I have been having lately is that if I had not left work and had just taken mat leave, I would be heading back to work in 2 weeks!
The other big thing is the arrival of baby number 3 - a beautiful little girl - on August 15. Having the opportunity to be at home with her and to know that there is no mat leave end date looming has been such a great experience that I never had with each of the boys. I love it. Having said that, being at home with the three of them is certainly a challenge.
Anyway, its good to be back.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Grace
An exchange overheard yesterday between Action Man (2 years 10 months) and Flipper (1 year 9 months) while playing together with puzzles on the floor.
Action Man: 'Ma (he has called him Flipper 'Ma' since he was born, we're not sure why) you need to say Grace before we play puzzles'
Both boys immediately bow their heads.
Action Man: 'Dear God, thankyou for the lovely puzzles. Amen. You have to say Amen Ma'.
Flipper: 'Amen'.
It made me laugh.
Action Man: 'Ma (he has called him Flipper 'Ma' since he was born, we're not sure why) you need to say Grace before we play puzzles'
Both boys immediately bow their heads.
Action Man: 'Dear God, thankyou for the lovely puzzles. Amen. You have to say Amen Ma'.
Flipper: 'Amen'.
It made me laugh.
Boys and dirt
What is it with boys and dirt? Or is it just my boys and dirt? They are obsessed with it, they find it, it finds them. I just don't get it.
As one of two daughters of a fastidiously clean (and I really mean fastidiously clean) mother, dirt is just not something I have had a lot to do with in my daily life. I don't mean that to sound like I am some sort of princess - what I mean is that I inherited (albeit a watered down version) my mother's liking and tendency towards cleanliness and order, I work in an office, and as a general rule I don't tend to come across many opportunities to get dirty. The dirt I am referring to is not just the ordinary scruffiness of little boys, I am referring to seeing a patch of dirt, a garden bed, a pot plant, a bit of mud, and moving immediately towards it and covering themselves with it. They love it, and do it without fail.
It is true that at the moment they have opportunities to get amongst the dirt thing all around them - we have a relatively new patch of lawn that we have recently top-dressed, we have a new sandpit for them to play in which results in sand everywhere, we have relatively new garden beds, and our local park has recently developed a very large, dry mound of dirt right near the children's playground - but the gravitation towards it just amazes me.
As one of two daughters of a fastidiously clean (and I really mean fastidiously clean) mother, dirt is just not something I have had a lot to do with in my daily life. I don't mean that to sound like I am some sort of princess - what I mean is that I inherited (albeit a watered down version) my mother's liking and tendency towards cleanliness and order, I work in an office, and as a general rule I don't tend to come across many opportunities to get dirty. The dirt I am referring to is not just the ordinary scruffiness of little boys, I am referring to seeing a patch of dirt, a garden bed, a pot plant, a bit of mud, and moving immediately towards it and covering themselves with it. They love it, and do it without fail.
It is true that at the moment they have opportunities to get amongst the dirt thing all around them - we have a relatively new patch of lawn that we have recently top-dressed, we have a new sandpit for them to play in which results in sand everywhere, we have relatively new garden beds, and our local park has recently developed a very large, dry mound of dirt right near the children's playground - but the gravitation towards it just amazes me.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Copycat
As a 'ps' to my previous post, a new development is the insistence of the 20 month old Flipper that he be allowed to wear underpants over the top of his nappy, and his exclamation of 'wow' every time he puts them on after his nappy is changed.
Cute.
Cute.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
My grown up boy
Had to share this.
I mentioned a little while ago about the stop-start progress we are having with Action Man (now 2 years and 10 months old) and toilet training. My approach has been decidedly lazy, hoping that he would catch on himself, but giving him encouragement, etc etc. Since announcing a few months ago that he no longer wanted to wear nappies, and after two weeks of underpants wearing then lapsing into day to day decisions as to whether to wear a nappy or underpants, we have simply been 'going with the flow' (pardon the pun).
Anyway, yesterday saw significant progress. He had been in underpants all day, no accidents (admittedly, the underpants days had started to outweigh the nappy days, but trips to the toilet had to always be instigated by me or Hubby). I was cleaning up after our little craft session - they had made 'lollipops' from painted paper and paddle pop sticks - when I noticed he had disappeared. A quick search of the house indicated that he was in the bathroom on the toilet. After being told 'Mummy,go away. I'm doing a wee by self', I lurked around the corner and saw him do said wee, flush the toilet, get up on the toilet seat to reach the sink and wash and dry his hands, put his underpants and tracksuit pants back on (albeit the tracksuit pants were on backwards, but who cares?) then come out and announce his triumph.
This has since happened a few times today.
Am cautiously excited, but not counting my toilet training chickens. My baby is growing up!
I mentioned a little while ago about the stop-start progress we are having with Action Man (now 2 years and 10 months old) and toilet training. My approach has been decidedly lazy, hoping that he would catch on himself, but giving him encouragement, etc etc. Since announcing a few months ago that he no longer wanted to wear nappies, and after two weeks of underpants wearing then lapsing into day to day decisions as to whether to wear a nappy or underpants, we have simply been 'going with the flow' (pardon the pun).
Anyway, yesterday saw significant progress. He had been in underpants all day, no accidents (admittedly, the underpants days had started to outweigh the nappy days, but trips to the toilet had to always be instigated by me or Hubby). I was cleaning up after our little craft session - they had made 'lollipops' from painted paper and paddle pop sticks - when I noticed he had disappeared. A quick search of the house indicated that he was in the bathroom on the toilet. After being told 'Mummy,go away. I'm doing a wee by self', I lurked around the corner and saw him do said wee, flush the toilet, get up on the toilet seat to reach the sink and wash and dry his hands, put his underpants and tracksuit pants back on (albeit the tracksuit pants were on backwards, but who cares?) then come out and announce his triumph.
This has since happened a few times today.
Am cautiously excited, but not counting my toilet training chickens. My baby is growing up!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Feeling useless
Am now at home and it is lovely - I am still at the stage where I am tickled pink and get a little thrill at things like being able to roll over in bed without pain, lie on the couch and watch tv, and get up and go to the toilet when I need to - small things as they say!
But, the current state of my back has left me in an unusual predicament in that I am pretty much good for nothing, but not completely incapacitated, so am in this middle ground of being of no use to anyone in particular, but not so bad that I'm bed bound. Its difficult in its own way.
What I mean is this - I can't go to work because I can't drive and can't sit for more than 10 - 15 mins or so at a time, I can't look after the boys by myself because I can't (or shouldn't be - am being a little naughty in this respect) lift them, carry them, wrestle them into their clothes, get down on the floor and play with them, get them in or out of bed, etc etc. But, I am also not bed bound - I don't need to be, nor is it good for me, to lie down all day. So I'm left in this middle ground sort of place, wandering around like a lost soul, generally feeling like I'm getting in the way.
Don't get me wrong - this is not a complaint, and I am so appreciative and aware of how far I have come, but its all a bit weird.
But, the current state of my back has left me in an unusual predicament in that I am pretty much good for nothing, but not completely incapacitated, so am in this middle ground of being of no use to anyone in particular, but not so bad that I'm bed bound. Its difficult in its own way.
What I mean is this - I can't go to work because I can't drive and can't sit for more than 10 - 15 mins or so at a time, I can't look after the boys by myself because I can't (or shouldn't be - am being a little naughty in this respect) lift them, carry them, wrestle them into their clothes, get down on the floor and play with them, get them in or out of bed, etc etc. But, I am also not bed bound - I don't need to be, nor is it good for me, to lie down all day. So I'm left in this middle ground sort of place, wandering around like a lost soul, generally feeling like I'm getting in the way.
Don't get me wrong - this is not a complaint, and I am so appreciative and aware of how far I have come, but its all a bit weird.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Hospital post
Hubby asked me this morning why I have not yet done a hospital post ( I have been here since last Wednesday midnight when we finally gave in to my incapacitation and excruciating back spasms and called an ambulance). My immediate answer was that I was too bored and had nothing to say - and there is something in that - tomorrow will mark 2 weeks of forced absolute inactivity which up until now I thought would be heaven, but has been anything but! It also has been the case that up until Tuesday I was so doped out on painkillers, muscle relaxants etc ( I had quite an extreme reaction to them on Tuesday so the medication was changed) and couldn't do much but lie in bed on my back, so opportunities to post have been minimal. Just on that though, I have managed to log into emails every day for work and keep things on track, so maybe its just that my priorities are a little off!
But, being here has given me time to do some thinking - nothing terribly profound I must say, but just thinking about how things I have done and my lifestyle have got me into this predicament, and how the lifestyle of others on my ward have led us all here.
I'm not being self-flagellating here - I am realistic about how this happened - a sporting injury 15 years ago, which left my back compromised but hasn't really bothered me for about 10 or so years, two pregnancies in 13 months which left my core abdominal muscles shot to pieces so my back was doing all the work when I moved, lifted etc, and chasing around, lifting and carrying two small boys. The combination of the above was not looking good for my back, but I would be naive to say that I wasn't aware of the potential problem, didn't get warning signs of pain in my back which I ignored, and hadn't been shown back and core strengthening exercises that I just hadn't been doing.
So, now that I have seen the worst (or as close to the worst as I want to get) of back injury, I have new resolve to get my back strong so that this does not happen again. I have been doing hydro-therapy in the hospital pool all week which has been great, and has got me up and walking around again, able to shower myself etc. I still can't sit for long periods and it will be some time before I can do that, bending is still difficult, and I won't be able to lift the boys for some time, but there has been definite progress and I am heading home tomorrow. I have an appointment with my physio next week to develop a program that I will follow to get these musles strong and I am committed to following it.
Why this is also of importance to me, is that Hubby and I had decided to try for another baby about now. As a result of my injury this will need to wait - I do not want to put additional pressure on my fragile back until it is strong again.
I have missed my boys so much while being in here, and can't wait to get home to them. I feel like a kid at Christmas counting the sleeps till tomorrow!
But, being here has given me time to do some thinking - nothing terribly profound I must say, but just thinking about how things I have done and my lifestyle have got me into this predicament, and how the lifestyle of others on my ward have led us all here.
I'm not being self-flagellating here - I am realistic about how this happened - a sporting injury 15 years ago, which left my back compromised but hasn't really bothered me for about 10 or so years, two pregnancies in 13 months which left my core abdominal muscles shot to pieces so my back was doing all the work when I moved, lifted etc, and chasing around, lifting and carrying two small boys. The combination of the above was not looking good for my back, but I would be naive to say that I wasn't aware of the potential problem, didn't get warning signs of pain in my back which I ignored, and hadn't been shown back and core strengthening exercises that I just hadn't been doing.
So, now that I have seen the worst (or as close to the worst as I want to get) of back injury, I have new resolve to get my back strong so that this does not happen again. I have been doing hydro-therapy in the hospital pool all week which has been great, and has got me up and walking around again, able to shower myself etc. I still can't sit for long periods and it will be some time before I can do that, bending is still difficult, and I won't be able to lift the boys for some time, but there has been definite progress and I am heading home tomorrow. I have an appointment with my physio next week to develop a program that I will follow to get these musles strong and I am committed to following it.
Why this is also of importance to me, is that Hubby and I had decided to try for another baby about now. As a result of my injury this will need to wait - I do not want to put additional pressure on my fragile back until it is strong again.
I have missed my boys so much while being in here, and can't wait to get home to them. I feel like a kid at Christmas counting the sleeps till tomorrow!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Random facts meme
Megan tagged me for this meme, and given that i am flat on my back on a Sunday afternoon, now is a great time to do it!
Rules
1.Link to the person who ‘tagged’ you! Not sure how to do a link - sorry!
2. Post the rules on your blog!
3. List 6 random facts about yourself!
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post!
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by commenting on their blog!
6. Let the tagger know the entry is posted on your blog!
6 random facts:
1. I have a 'feet' thing - i can't stand having bare feet and must be wearing socks, shoes, thongs etc at all times - except in bed or in the shower.
2. I have an irrational fear of water where i can't see the bottom, ie. lakes, pools etc. I hyperventilate etc and have to get out. I say it is irrational becuase I was a real water baby as a kid, and still love to swim, and can't really tie this fear to any particular event which happened etc.
3. I once 'wagged' sport when I was in year 5 at primary school and felt so guilty afterwards that I confessed to my mother who went to the school and told the principal - incidentally, I ran into that principal at a funeral a few weeks ago and she had no recollection of that episode that I now remember as well as if it was yesterday!
4. I have very wrinkly and 'old lady' looking hands.
5. I am a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to ironing - I iron everything - tea towels, sheets, towels etc. I blame my mother.
6. Sometimes when I can't sleep i tap my ankles together to relax me. Weird I know.
I think everyone I know who blogs has already been tagged for this one!
Rules
1.Link to the person who ‘tagged’ you! Not sure how to do a link - sorry!
2. Post the rules on your blog!
3. List 6 random facts about yourself!
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post!
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by commenting on their blog!
6. Let the tagger know the entry is posted on your blog!
6 random facts:
1. I have a 'feet' thing - i can't stand having bare feet and must be wearing socks, shoes, thongs etc at all times - except in bed or in the shower.
2. I have an irrational fear of water where i can't see the bottom, ie. lakes, pools etc. I hyperventilate etc and have to get out. I say it is irrational becuase I was a real water baby as a kid, and still love to swim, and can't really tie this fear to any particular event which happened etc.
3. I once 'wagged' sport when I was in year 5 at primary school and felt so guilty afterwards that I confessed to my mother who went to the school and told the principal - incidentally, I ran into that principal at a funeral a few weeks ago and she had no recollection of that episode that I now remember as well as if it was yesterday!
4. I have very wrinkly and 'old lady' looking hands.
5. I am a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to ironing - I iron everything - tea towels, sheets, towels etc. I blame my mother.
6. Sometimes when I can't sleep i tap my ankles together to relax me. Weird I know.
I think everyone I know who blogs has already been tagged for this one!
Learning about helplessness
I am learning a big lesson about being patient, accepting help and being vulnerable. For the first time in my adult life, I am completely physically helpless. An old back injury from my first year at university has flared up in a way that is worse than the original injury leaving me flat on my back in bed, unable to sit up, roll over, dress myself, feed myself, clean my teeth, and for the first two days, go to the toilet by myself. And it has been hard.
I got up on Friday morning feeling fine, felt a little twinge in my lower back while changing Action Man's nappy but didnt think too much about it, then after getting out of the shower i was leaning over drying my feet and felt a large ripping feeling in my lower back, excruciating pain, and called out for Hubby through my tears, who carried me back to bed where I have remained since. A bit of light relief was Action Man sternly telling me as I was crying in pain 'Mummy, stop being Mr Miserable!' - his favourite book of the moment is 'Mr Happy' which obviously also features Mr Miserable.
Hubby managed to dress me, we got a physio to do a home visit and the doctor came to inject me with pain relief, and i have stayed in bed, flat on my back. There is nothing like something like this to make one realise how much we take for granted, and while I often yearn for a day in bed, I only want it on my terms! This injury will heal - although it doesn't feel like that at the moment - and I wonder how i would cope if i was faced with an injury that wouldn't heal.
Hubby has been wonderful, although for him it has been like looking after 3 children for the weekend, and he and my mum managed this afternoon to get me up and to the toilet and in the shower which was absolute bliss after almost 3 days. It brings a new meaning to 'in sickness and in health', and challenges to my own sensitivities, to have to rely on my husband so absolutely for the bare necessities of daily life and care.
I am posting this from bed, with the laptop balanced on my stomach, and little visibility of the keyboard so apologies for typos - will hopefully get some more mobility in the next few days which will make life easier, and make it easier to send an update from the bed!
I got up on Friday morning feeling fine, felt a little twinge in my lower back while changing Action Man's nappy but didnt think too much about it, then after getting out of the shower i was leaning over drying my feet and felt a large ripping feeling in my lower back, excruciating pain, and called out for Hubby through my tears, who carried me back to bed where I have remained since. A bit of light relief was Action Man sternly telling me as I was crying in pain 'Mummy, stop being Mr Miserable!' - his favourite book of the moment is 'Mr Happy' which obviously also features Mr Miserable.
Hubby managed to dress me, we got a physio to do a home visit and the doctor came to inject me with pain relief, and i have stayed in bed, flat on my back. There is nothing like something like this to make one realise how much we take for granted, and while I often yearn for a day in bed, I only want it on my terms! This injury will heal - although it doesn't feel like that at the moment - and I wonder how i would cope if i was faced with an injury that wouldn't heal.
Hubby has been wonderful, although for him it has been like looking after 3 children for the weekend, and he and my mum managed this afternoon to get me up and to the toilet and in the shower which was absolute bliss after almost 3 days. It brings a new meaning to 'in sickness and in health', and challenges to my own sensitivities, to have to rely on my husband so absolutely for the bare necessities of daily life and care.
I am posting this from bed, with the laptop balanced on my stomach, and little visibility of the keyboard so apologies for typos - will hopefully get some more mobility in the next few days which will make life easier, and make it easier to send an update from the bed!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
June and July update
Have been very slack with blogging - no intriguing and insightful theories as to why though ...
By way of update, here is a snapshot of what has been going on ...
1. Yuliana - our 'nanny' who looks after the boys on the 3 days I am at work went home to Indonesia for 5 weeks during June/early July. We shared out the days between Hubby, my parents and I, and got through it ok. I enjoyed the extra time at home and I think the boys did too.
2. It was my birthday mid July and Hubby and I stole away for the weekend - a whole Friday and Saturday night at a hotel in the city while my parents looked after the boys. It was lovely.
3. The following weekend Hubby went to visit his mother for the weekend, and despite offers from my parents to come and stay to help out, I decided to tough it out on my own. I think I'll take up the offer of help next time.
4. Action Man decided to toilet train himself - I had taken the 'if it's child led it will happen easily, if it's parent led it will be a battle' approach, and had been waiting for him. A few weeks ago he started taking off his nappy and wanting to wear pants. All good I thought - but he changed his mind and we are now back in nappies and I'm not sure what to do!
5. We had a 4 nights away in our proposed new location post move and it was great - despite the yucky weather. Its still a while off, but it was good to have a 'reccy' and get a positive feel.
6. A close family friend passed away last week. It was the end of a sad story. His wife passed away 6 years ago and he never really recovered, he spiralled into alcoholism and his body basically gave out. Probably a subject for a whole other blog. My parents were very close to him from their teaching days in the suburbs where we grew up. Seeing ones parents so bereft is a challenge.
7. We spent a few hours last night at the Randwick Children's Hospital emergency room with Action Man (and Flipper in tow), both in pyjamas and ready for bed. Basically - it was my fault. I gave Action Man the wrong dose of medicine, rang emergency and was told to bring him in. He's fine. I'm not. Also probably another post all on its own.
Hoping to be more frequent from now on.
By way of update, here is a snapshot of what has been going on ...
1. Yuliana - our 'nanny' who looks after the boys on the 3 days I am at work went home to Indonesia for 5 weeks during June/early July. We shared out the days between Hubby, my parents and I, and got through it ok. I enjoyed the extra time at home and I think the boys did too.
2. It was my birthday mid July and Hubby and I stole away for the weekend - a whole Friday and Saturday night at a hotel in the city while my parents looked after the boys. It was lovely.
3. The following weekend Hubby went to visit his mother for the weekend, and despite offers from my parents to come and stay to help out, I decided to tough it out on my own. I think I'll take up the offer of help next time.
4. Action Man decided to toilet train himself - I had taken the 'if it's child led it will happen easily, if it's parent led it will be a battle' approach, and had been waiting for him. A few weeks ago he started taking off his nappy and wanting to wear pants. All good I thought - but he changed his mind and we are now back in nappies and I'm not sure what to do!
5. We had a 4 nights away in our proposed new location post move and it was great - despite the yucky weather. Its still a while off, but it was good to have a 'reccy' and get a positive feel.
6. A close family friend passed away last week. It was the end of a sad story. His wife passed away 6 years ago and he never really recovered, he spiralled into alcoholism and his body basically gave out. Probably a subject for a whole other blog. My parents were very close to him from their teaching days in the suburbs where we grew up. Seeing ones parents so bereft is a challenge.
7. We spent a few hours last night at the Randwick Children's Hospital emergency room with Action Man (and Flipper in tow), both in pyjamas and ready for bed. Basically - it was my fault. I gave Action Man the wrong dose of medicine, rang emergency and was told to bring him in. He's fine. I'm not. Also probably another post all on its own.
Hoping to be more frequent from now on.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Does anyone else ever get the feeling that they are hopeless at just about everything they do? I have that feeing tonight. A disastrous dinner, bath, bed routine has left me feeling like the worst mother alive. I am back at work tomorrow, and that is a place where I definitely don't feel anything like a superhero. I have failed in my quest to lose any weight - if anything I am eating more!
I am about to give up my career to stay at home with my children, and that is something I want more than anything else - despite the massive changes and adjustments I know it will involve. But nights like tonight make me wonder whether it is something they want????? Would they prefer not to have me around if I seem to inspire such chaos?????????
I am about to give up my career to stay at home with my children, and that is something I want more than anything else - despite the massive changes and adjustments I know it will involve. But nights like tonight make me wonder whether it is something they want????? Would they prefer not to have me around if I seem to inspire such chaos?????????
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Not happy today
Not wanting to be at work, hating everything about it, generally in a bad mood, wanting to be at home with the kids.
I know there are millions, no billions and billions of people out there who have it worse than me. But I'm wallowing.
Can I snap out of it????
Or just close my office door today and hope people get the hint.
Grump!
I know there are millions, no billions and billions of people out there who have it worse than me. But I'm wallowing.
Can I snap out of it????
Or just close my office door today and hope people get the hint.
Grump!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Why haven't I posted for a while again?
I have been slack in my posts since returning from holidays. I made a small return a few weeks ago, only to go silent again.
Its not that I don't want to, or don't have ideas of what to say. What it is, is that because I haven't posted about a fairly major thing that has happened/decision that has been made, all of the things that I have thought to post about lately would have no context, ie. they make no sense without the background of where they are coming from. This major decision is occupying my thoughts a lot - as a major decision should I guess. I have been hesitant to post about it for a couple of reasons - mainly because I was worried that someone from work would somehow stumble on this blog and find out. But - I think I'm over that.
So, without further ado, I'll get to it .... we have decided that we are going to leave Sydney, move somewhere lesss hectic and theoretically cheaper to live in, and I am going to quit work and my career. This is all to happen in approx. 12 months or slightly less.
A lot of background to this, but for now I am just getting it out there so I can feel free to post more about it going forward.
There - I've done it!!
Its not that I don't want to, or don't have ideas of what to say. What it is, is that because I haven't posted about a fairly major thing that has happened/decision that has been made, all of the things that I have thought to post about lately would have no context, ie. they make no sense without the background of where they are coming from. This major decision is occupying my thoughts a lot - as a major decision should I guess. I have been hesitant to post about it for a couple of reasons - mainly because I was worried that someone from work would somehow stumble on this blog and find out. But - I think I'm over that.
So, without further ado, I'll get to it .... we have decided that we are going to leave Sydney, move somewhere lesss hectic and theoretically cheaper to live in, and I am going to quit work and my career. This is all to happen in approx. 12 months or slightly less.
A lot of background to this, but for now I am just getting it out there so I can feel free to post more about it going forward.
There - I've done it!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Superwoman?
I'm going to preface this post with a couple of comments:
- I like (what I know of her - I'm not a great fan of people saying 'I love' or 'I don't like' this or that particular celebrity that they have never met - how do you know????) Cate Blanchett - she seems fairly sensible, normal, unaffected - and of course, she is beautiful;
- this post is not intended to be by way of criticism - everyone needs to make their own choices, and as mothers I think we all need to be supportive of each other and the decisions we make (within reason obviously!); and
- I am very much aware that my views on this particular issue have been shaped very much by the professional environment in which I have become, and tried to be a good, mother - an environment in which a woman who has children is, in most cases and despite the rhetoric, at worst an inconvenience, a drain on resources, and 'no longer playing on the A team', and at best a marketing opportunity if she does manage to hold it all together.
But ... I'm going to say it! My comments above notwithstanding, I am uncomfortable with the 'superwoman' tag given to Cate Blanchett for attending the 2020 summit 6 days after giving birth to her third child (although, in my view one would have to be pretty super to manage it!) and I am uncomfortable about the message that it sends to women (and men).
What happened to the sanctity (for want of a better word) of childbirth, the mother/child bond, those days after birth - are we at the stage where the expectation is that women can just pop a child out and resume normal operations immediately thereafter? I know that was the expectation of my employer - although, granted it was not within 6 days!. What is to prevent the thought occurring that Cate Blanchett can do it, why can't everyone else?
I know that I couldn't have done it - 6 days after Action Man was born I could hardly walk, let alone sit down and pontificate on the future of the nation, and 6 days after Flipper was born I was so emotionally all over the place that I wasnt much use to anyone. I know it is all individual choice, and I admire Cate for what she has done, but I am worried about the message that the reference to her as 'superwoman', as a high profile woman and mother, is sending to the likes of me, and the other new (and new-ish) mums I know. There needs to be some sort of balance between the 'baby as a blip on the horizon aproach' and the 'baby as completely debilitating' approach - we have come a long way in moving away from the concept of pregnancy and childbirth as an 'illness' or that of being a mother rendering women incapable of anything else - but we need to be careful not to move so far the other way that we remove the specialness of it, and forget the care that needs to be taken by us as a society of our new mums and newborns.
That's my rant. Not well expressed I don't think, but I hope you get what I mean - and that I haven't offended anyone!
- I like (what I know of her - I'm not a great fan of people saying 'I love' or 'I don't like' this or that particular celebrity that they have never met - how do you know????) Cate Blanchett - she seems fairly sensible, normal, unaffected - and of course, she is beautiful;
- this post is not intended to be by way of criticism - everyone needs to make their own choices, and as mothers I think we all need to be supportive of each other and the decisions we make (within reason obviously!); and
- I am very much aware that my views on this particular issue have been shaped very much by the professional environment in which I have become, and tried to be a good, mother - an environment in which a woman who has children is, in most cases and despite the rhetoric, at worst an inconvenience, a drain on resources, and 'no longer playing on the A team', and at best a marketing opportunity if she does manage to hold it all together.
But ... I'm going to say it! My comments above notwithstanding, I am uncomfortable with the 'superwoman' tag given to Cate Blanchett for attending the 2020 summit 6 days after giving birth to her third child (although, in my view one would have to be pretty super to manage it!) and I am uncomfortable about the message that it sends to women (and men).
What happened to the sanctity (for want of a better word) of childbirth, the mother/child bond, those days after birth - are we at the stage where the expectation is that women can just pop a child out and resume normal operations immediately thereafter? I know that was the expectation of my employer - although, granted it was not within 6 days!. What is to prevent the thought occurring that Cate Blanchett can do it, why can't everyone else?
I know that I couldn't have done it - 6 days after Action Man was born I could hardly walk, let alone sit down and pontificate on the future of the nation, and 6 days after Flipper was born I was so emotionally all over the place that I wasnt much use to anyone. I know it is all individual choice, and I admire Cate for what she has done, but I am worried about the message that the reference to her as 'superwoman', as a high profile woman and mother, is sending to the likes of me, and the other new (and new-ish) mums I know. There needs to be some sort of balance between the 'baby as a blip on the horizon aproach' and the 'baby as completely debilitating' approach - we have come a long way in moving away from the concept of pregnancy and childbirth as an 'illness' or that of being a mother rendering women incapable of anything else - but we need to be careful not to move so far the other way that we remove the specialness of it, and forget the care that needs to be taken by us as a society of our new mums and newborns.
That's my rant. Not well expressed I don't think, but I hope you get what I mean - and that I haven't offended anyone!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I'm back!
Its been a while - almost 2 months I just noticed! A lot has been happening, most of it the subject of later posts, but in summary form:
I have been doing:
-holidaying - we had a great holiday on the North Coast visiting beaches etc and I had a great week after that staying at home with the boys
- making life changing decisions - more on that later
-working - recently increased from 3 days to 4 (1 of which is at home). More on that later.
- eating too much and moving too little - but have started exercising/going to the gym again - fell off the wagon but am back on now.
- feeling the guilt of the working mother - my boys have become very clingy and its hard not to blame myself for that
- trying to save money - and becoming extremely stingy in the process!
- enjoying our new church.
Hope that all is well for others - while I have been in hiding I have kept up with the blogs of others. Talk again soon.
I have been doing:
-holidaying - we had a great holiday on the North Coast visiting beaches etc and I had a great week after that staying at home with the boys
- making life changing decisions - more on that later
-working - recently increased from 3 days to 4 (1 of which is at home). More on that later.
- eating too much and moving too little - but have started exercising/going to the gym again - fell off the wagon but am back on now.
- feeling the guilt of the working mother - my boys have become very clingy and its hard not to blame myself for that
- trying to save money - and becoming extremely stingy in the process!
- enjoying our new church.
Hope that all is well for others - while I have been in hiding I have kept up with the blogs of others. Talk again soon.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
How many days a week?
I had a meeting yesterday with two of the leaders of my group at work - yes, there are several 'leaders' - our organisation has openly taken the view that there needs to be lots of leaders in the organisation - I think there is a unwritten policy somewhere that if 3 people are walking down a corridor together, someone needs to be elected their leader! I am not a great fan of male/female gender stereotyping, but this seems to me to be a particularly 'male' way of carrying on.
Anyway, I digress ...... the purpose of the meeting was to check how I am going, etc, which was good. Inevitably however, the question of how many days I am currently working (I currently work Tuesday, Thursday and Friday) and when I planned to increase them, came up.
My answer was that I was not intending to increase them at the moment, and could not see myself being willing to do that any time in the foreseaable future. The reason that I gave was that my 3 days inevitably became 4 or 5 each week, when I took into account the emails, phone calls, and work I did from home, and the meetings that seem to come up each week that I have to come in for on my 'days off'. I said that I did not want to increase my official days to 4 because then that would become 5 or 6, and then I would not see my children.
The immediate response was that that was fine and that there was no requirement to increase my days. I got the feeling that that response was not so much what they were feeling, but what they know they are expected to say. But - it was the reponse I wanted so I'll take it however it happens to come. But, it was followed by the comment that my position was really no different from a full time person, because in our jobs a 5 day a week job usually becomes a 6 or 7 day a week job.
I'm still thinking through whether I agree with that. But I'm also wondering, whether that makes it right????
Anyway, I digress ...... the purpose of the meeting was to check how I am going, etc, which was good. Inevitably however, the question of how many days I am currently working (I currently work Tuesday, Thursday and Friday) and when I planned to increase them, came up.
My answer was that I was not intending to increase them at the moment, and could not see myself being willing to do that any time in the foreseaable future. The reason that I gave was that my 3 days inevitably became 4 or 5 each week, when I took into account the emails, phone calls, and work I did from home, and the meetings that seem to come up each week that I have to come in for on my 'days off'. I said that I did not want to increase my official days to 4 because then that would become 5 or 6, and then I would not see my children.
The immediate response was that that was fine and that there was no requirement to increase my days. I got the feeling that that response was not so much what they were feeling, but what they know they are expected to say. But - it was the reponse I wanted so I'll take it however it happens to come. But, it was followed by the comment that my position was really no different from a full time person, because in our jobs a 5 day a week job usually becomes a 6 or 7 day a week job.
I'm still thinking through whether I agree with that. But I'm also wondering, whether that makes it right????
Sunday, February 17, 2008
The things kids say
Trying to get Action Man to est his dinner tonight I asked him to "put a piece of carrot in his tummy for mummy". He proceeded to lift his shirt and try to insert the carrot through his belly button. I couldn't help but laugh.....
Friday, February 15, 2008
Jack of all trades, master of none
Despite my earlier optimism (posts from last year) the work/mum thing is not working. I am really struggling. Its not just tiredness - everyone who has kids gets tired, and its not just guilt - although I'm great at that, and its not that I feel like my life is out of control - because I knock myself out staying organised. Its that I feel that of the two things I 'do' - being a mum, and being a partner in a large firm - I am doing neither of them well. And I hate that.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
ps. to post above
I didn't actually go to the meeting in the end.
At about 3.30pm a massive headache hit me from behind and I couldn't make it in.
I think that was seen as an acceptable excuse to not be there.
At about 3.30pm a massive headache hit me from behind and I couldn't make it in.
I think that was seen as an acceptable excuse to not be there.
Irony in the workplace # 1
A meeting was called for all of the partners in my division of my firm. It was a pretty important meeting, basically to discuss our "off plan" revenue performance for this financial year to date and what we are going to do to claw it back in the remainder of this financial year.
The original meeting request was for 8am Friday morning - perfect for me as Friday is one of my work days. The request was then changed for 5pm Wednesday - not good for me at all as Wednesday is one of my non-work days. Even if Wednesday was not one of my work days, 5pm would be no good for me as I like to leave at 5pm so I can get home to see my boys before they go to bed (that is why I am usually in the office at 7am). My response to this change was to sigh, realise that this is my lot in life as the only part time partner in this division (there are only 4 women out of about 20, only 2 of these have children - I am 1 of those 2 and the other is currently on maternity leave but works full time when she is at work) and ask Hubby to come home from work early on Wednesday so I can make the meeting. As a part time partner I can't expect the way the office runs to change for me, so I make the necessary arrangements such that I can work in with the office (within reason anyway).
So this is all fine. I then ran into the PA of the head of our division who had noticed that I had accepted the meeting request even though I didn't 'work' on Wednesdays (on another note, I find this notion that I don't 'work' on Mondays and Wednesdays a real joke - yes I am 'not in the office' which is my preferred description for it, but I find myself answering calls, emailing on my Blackberry and working while the boys are asleep and after they have gone to bed - so Mondays and Wednesdays being my 'days off' or the days that I 'don't work' is a bit of a misnomer). I said that I thought the meeting was important so I had made arrangements to come in for it. She then mentioned that the reason it had changed was because there her boss (male) had this year committed to take his son to school on Friday mornings so the meeting couldn't be then.
This is great - I think that there are more men who work in jobs like mine who should make this sort of commitment, and yes, he is the head of the division so he gets to decide when the meetings are, and yes, 5pm Wednesday or 8am Friday is probably no skin off the nose of the other partners (although truth be told few of them are in the office before 9am so it would have made an early morning for them!). But what gets me about this is that despite all the steps we have taken in recognising the contribution of working mothers and the issues that we have, the flexibility that some workplaces (and I have to say that mine does offer a lot of flexibility - at least officially) when a man takes time away from work to do something with his family he is seen as some kind of superhero - "so hands on", "really committed to his kids" - but when I 'work' part time and am paid part time, there is this expectation that I will leave my kids, on my 'day off' to come in for a half an hour meeting.
I think this is a little ironic.
The original meeting request was for 8am Friday morning - perfect for me as Friday is one of my work days. The request was then changed for 5pm Wednesday - not good for me at all as Wednesday is one of my non-work days. Even if Wednesday was not one of my work days, 5pm would be no good for me as I like to leave at 5pm so I can get home to see my boys before they go to bed (that is why I am usually in the office at 7am). My response to this change was to sigh, realise that this is my lot in life as the only part time partner in this division (there are only 4 women out of about 20, only 2 of these have children - I am 1 of those 2 and the other is currently on maternity leave but works full time when she is at work) and ask Hubby to come home from work early on Wednesday so I can make the meeting. As a part time partner I can't expect the way the office runs to change for me, so I make the necessary arrangements such that I can work in with the office (within reason anyway).
So this is all fine. I then ran into the PA of the head of our division who had noticed that I had accepted the meeting request even though I didn't 'work' on Wednesdays (on another note, I find this notion that I don't 'work' on Mondays and Wednesdays a real joke - yes I am 'not in the office' which is my preferred description for it, but I find myself answering calls, emailing on my Blackberry and working while the boys are asleep and after they have gone to bed - so Mondays and Wednesdays being my 'days off' or the days that I 'don't work' is a bit of a misnomer). I said that I thought the meeting was important so I had made arrangements to come in for it. She then mentioned that the reason it had changed was because there her boss (male) had this year committed to take his son to school on Friday mornings so the meeting couldn't be then.
This is great - I think that there are more men who work in jobs like mine who should make this sort of commitment, and yes, he is the head of the division so he gets to decide when the meetings are, and yes, 5pm Wednesday or 8am Friday is probably no skin off the nose of the other partners (although truth be told few of them are in the office before 9am so it would have made an early morning for them!). But what gets me about this is that despite all the steps we have taken in recognising the contribution of working mothers and the issues that we have, the flexibility that some workplaces (and I have to say that mine does offer a lot of flexibility - at least officially) when a man takes time away from work to do something with his family he is seen as some kind of superhero - "so hands on", "really committed to his kids" - but when I 'work' part time and am paid part time, there is this expectation that I will leave my kids, on my 'day off' to come in for a half an hour meeting.
I think this is a little ironic.
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