Not wanting to be at work, hating everything about it, generally in a bad mood, wanting to be at home with the kids.
I know there are millions, no billions and billions of people out there who have it worse than me. But I'm wallowing.
Can I snap out of it????
Or just close my office door today and hope people get the hint.
Grump!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Why haven't I posted for a while again?
I have been slack in my posts since returning from holidays. I made a small return a few weeks ago, only to go silent again.
Its not that I don't want to, or don't have ideas of what to say. What it is, is that because I haven't posted about a fairly major thing that has happened/decision that has been made, all of the things that I have thought to post about lately would have no context, ie. they make no sense without the background of where they are coming from. This major decision is occupying my thoughts a lot - as a major decision should I guess. I have been hesitant to post about it for a couple of reasons - mainly because I was worried that someone from work would somehow stumble on this blog and find out. But - I think I'm over that.
So, without further ado, I'll get to it .... we have decided that we are going to leave Sydney, move somewhere lesss hectic and theoretically cheaper to live in, and I am going to quit work and my career. This is all to happen in approx. 12 months or slightly less.
A lot of background to this, but for now I am just getting it out there so I can feel free to post more about it going forward.
There - I've done it!!
Its not that I don't want to, or don't have ideas of what to say. What it is, is that because I haven't posted about a fairly major thing that has happened/decision that has been made, all of the things that I have thought to post about lately would have no context, ie. they make no sense without the background of where they are coming from. This major decision is occupying my thoughts a lot - as a major decision should I guess. I have been hesitant to post about it for a couple of reasons - mainly because I was worried that someone from work would somehow stumble on this blog and find out. But - I think I'm over that.
So, without further ado, I'll get to it .... we have decided that we are going to leave Sydney, move somewhere lesss hectic and theoretically cheaper to live in, and I am going to quit work and my career. This is all to happen in approx. 12 months or slightly less.
A lot of background to this, but for now I am just getting it out there so I can feel free to post more about it going forward.
There - I've done it!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Superwoman?
I'm going to preface this post with a couple of comments:
- I like (what I know of her - I'm not a great fan of people saying 'I love' or 'I don't like' this or that particular celebrity that they have never met - how do you know????) Cate Blanchett - she seems fairly sensible, normal, unaffected - and of course, she is beautiful;
- this post is not intended to be by way of criticism - everyone needs to make their own choices, and as mothers I think we all need to be supportive of each other and the decisions we make (within reason obviously!); and
- I am very much aware that my views on this particular issue have been shaped very much by the professional environment in which I have become, and tried to be a good, mother - an environment in which a woman who has children is, in most cases and despite the rhetoric, at worst an inconvenience, a drain on resources, and 'no longer playing on the A team', and at best a marketing opportunity if she does manage to hold it all together.
But ... I'm going to say it! My comments above notwithstanding, I am uncomfortable with the 'superwoman' tag given to Cate Blanchett for attending the 2020 summit 6 days after giving birth to her third child (although, in my view one would have to be pretty super to manage it!) and I am uncomfortable about the message that it sends to women (and men).
What happened to the sanctity (for want of a better word) of childbirth, the mother/child bond, those days after birth - are we at the stage where the expectation is that women can just pop a child out and resume normal operations immediately thereafter? I know that was the expectation of my employer - although, granted it was not within 6 days!. What is to prevent the thought occurring that Cate Blanchett can do it, why can't everyone else?
I know that I couldn't have done it - 6 days after Action Man was born I could hardly walk, let alone sit down and pontificate on the future of the nation, and 6 days after Flipper was born I was so emotionally all over the place that I wasnt much use to anyone. I know it is all individual choice, and I admire Cate for what she has done, but I am worried about the message that the reference to her as 'superwoman', as a high profile woman and mother, is sending to the likes of me, and the other new (and new-ish) mums I know. There needs to be some sort of balance between the 'baby as a blip on the horizon aproach' and the 'baby as completely debilitating' approach - we have come a long way in moving away from the concept of pregnancy and childbirth as an 'illness' or that of being a mother rendering women incapable of anything else - but we need to be careful not to move so far the other way that we remove the specialness of it, and forget the care that needs to be taken by us as a society of our new mums and newborns.
That's my rant. Not well expressed I don't think, but I hope you get what I mean - and that I haven't offended anyone!
- I like (what I know of her - I'm not a great fan of people saying 'I love' or 'I don't like' this or that particular celebrity that they have never met - how do you know????) Cate Blanchett - she seems fairly sensible, normal, unaffected - and of course, she is beautiful;
- this post is not intended to be by way of criticism - everyone needs to make their own choices, and as mothers I think we all need to be supportive of each other and the decisions we make (within reason obviously!); and
- I am very much aware that my views on this particular issue have been shaped very much by the professional environment in which I have become, and tried to be a good, mother - an environment in which a woman who has children is, in most cases and despite the rhetoric, at worst an inconvenience, a drain on resources, and 'no longer playing on the A team', and at best a marketing opportunity if she does manage to hold it all together.
But ... I'm going to say it! My comments above notwithstanding, I am uncomfortable with the 'superwoman' tag given to Cate Blanchett for attending the 2020 summit 6 days after giving birth to her third child (although, in my view one would have to be pretty super to manage it!) and I am uncomfortable about the message that it sends to women (and men).
What happened to the sanctity (for want of a better word) of childbirth, the mother/child bond, those days after birth - are we at the stage where the expectation is that women can just pop a child out and resume normal operations immediately thereafter? I know that was the expectation of my employer - although, granted it was not within 6 days!. What is to prevent the thought occurring that Cate Blanchett can do it, why can't everyone else?
I know that I couldn't have done it - 6 days after Action Man was born I could hardly walk, let alone sit down and pontificate on the future of the nation, and 6 days after Flipper was born I was so emotionally all over the place that I wasnt much use to anyone. I know it is all individual choice, and I admire Cate for what she has done, but I am worried about the message that the reference to her as 'superwoman', as a high profile woman and mother, is sending to the likes of me, and the other new (and new-ish) mums I know. There needs to be some sort of balance between the 'baby as a blip on the horizon aproach' and the 'baby as completely debilitating' approach - we have come a long way in moving away from the concept of pregnancy and childbirth as an 'illness' or that of being a mother rendering women incapable of anything else - but we need to be careful not to move so far the other way that we remove the specialness of it, and forget the care that needs to be taken by us as a society of our new mums and newborns.
That's my rant. Not well expressed I don't think, but I hope you get what I mean - and that I haven't offended anyone!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I'm back!
Its been a while - almost 2 months I just noticed! A lot has been happening, most of it the subject of later posts, but in summary form:
I have been doing:
-holidaying - we had a great holiday on the North Coast visiting beaches etc and I had a great week after that staying at home with the boys
- making life changing decisions - more on that later
-working - recently increased from 3 days to 4 (1 of which is at home). More on that later.
- eating too much and moving too little - but have started exercising/going to the gym again - fell off the wagon but am back on now.
- feeling the guilt of the working mother - my boys have become very clingy and its hard not to blame myself for that
- trying to save money - and becoming extremely stingy in the process!
- enjoying our new church.
Hope that all is well for others - while I have been in hiding I have kept up with the blogs of others. Talk again soon.
I have been doing:
-holidaying - we had a great holiday on the North Coast visiting beaches etc and I had a great week after that staying at home with the boys
- making life changing decisions - more on that later
-working - recently increased from 3 days to 4 (1 of which is at home). More on that later.
- eating too much and moving too little - but have started exercising/going to the gym again - fell off the wagon but am back on now.
- feeling the guilt of the working mother - my boys have become very clingy and its hard not to blame myself for that
- trying to save money - and becoming extremely stingy in the process!
- enjoying our new church.
Hope that all is well for others - while I have been in hiding I have kept up with the blogs of others. Talk again soon.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
How many days a week?
I had a meeting yesterday with two of the leaders of my group at work - yes, there are several 'leaders' - our organisation has openly taken the view that there needs to be lots of leaders in the organisation - I think there is a unwritten policy somewhere that if 3 people are walking down a corridor together, someone needs to be elected their leader! I am not a great fan of male/female gender stereotyping, but this seems to me to be a particularly 'male' way of carrying on.
Anyway, I digress ...... the purpose of the meeting was to check how I am going, etc, which was good. Inevitably however, the question of how many days I am currently working (I currently work Tuesday, Thursday and Friday) and when I planned to increase them, came up.
My answer was that I was not intending to increase them at the moment, and could not see myself being willing to do that any time in the foreseaable future. The reason that I gave was that my 3 days inevitably became 4 or 5 each week, when I took into account the emails, phone calls, and work I did from home, and the meetings that seem to come up each week that I have to come in for on my 'days off'. I said that I did not want to increase my official days to 4 because then that would become 5 or 6, and then I would not see my children.
The immediate response was that that was fine and that there was no requirement to increase my days. I got the feeling that that response was not so much what they were feeling, but what they know they are expected to say. But - it was the reponse I wanted so I'll take it however it happens to come. But, it was followed by the comment that my position was really no different from a full time person, because in our jobs a 5 day a week job usually becomes a 6 or 7 day a week job.
I'm still thinking through whether I agree with that. But I'm also wondering, whether that makes it right????
Anyway, I digress ...... the purpose of the meeting was to check how I am going, etc, which was good. Inevitably however, the question of how many days I am currently working (I currently work Tuesday, Thursday and Friday) and when I planned to increase them, came up.
My answer was that I was not intending to increase them at the moment, and could not see myself being willing to do that any time in the foreseaable future. The reason that I gave was that my 3 days inevitably became 4 or 5 each week, when I took into account the emails, phone calls, and work I did from home, and the meetings that seem to come up each week that I have to come in for on my 'days off'. I said that I did not want to increase my official days to 4 because then that would become 5 or 6, and then I would not see my children.
The immediate response was that that was fine and that there was no requirement to increase my days. I got the feeling that that response was not so much what they were feeling, but what they know they are expected to say. But - it was the reponse I wanted so I'll take it however it happens to come. But, it was followed by the comment that my position was really no different from a full time person, because in our jobs a 5 day a week job usually becomes a 6 or 7 day a week job.
I'm still thinking through whether I agree with that. But I'm also wondering, whether that makes it right????
Sunday, February 17, 2008
The things kids say
Trying to get Action Man to est his dinner tonight I asked him to "put a piece of carrot in his tummy for mummy". He proceeded to lift his shirt and try to insert the carrot through his belly button. I couldn't help but laugh.....
Friday, February 15, 2008
Jack of all trades, master of none
Despite my earlier optimism (posts from last year) the work/mum thing is not working. I am really struggling. Its not just tiredness - everyone who has kids gets tired, and its not just guilt - although I'm great at that, and its not that I feel like my life is out of control - because I knock myself out staying organised. Its that I feel that of the two things I 'do' - being a mum, and being a partner in a large firm - I am doing neither of them well. And I hate that.
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