Hubby asked me this morning why I have not yet done a hospital post ( I have been here since last Wednesday midnight when we finally gave in to my incapacitation and excruciating back spasms and called an ambulance). My immediate answer was that I was too bored and had nothing to say - and there is something in that - tomorrow will mark 2 weeks of forced absolute inactivity which up until now I thought would be heaven, but has been anything but! It also has been the case that up until Tuesday I was so doped out on painkillers, muscle relaxants etc ( I had quite an extreme reaction to them on Tuesday so the medication was changed) and couldn't do much but lie in bed on my back, so opportunities to post have been minimal. Just on that though, I have managed to log into emails every day for work and keep things on track, so maybe its just that my priorities are a little off!
But, being here has given me time to do some thinking - nothing terribly profound I must say, but just thinking about how things I have done and my lifestyle have got me into this predicament, and how the lifestyle of others on my ward have led us all here.
I'm not being self-flagellating here - I am realistic about how this happened - a sporting injury 15 years ago, which left my back compromised but hasn't really bothered me for about 10 or so years, two pregnancies in 13 months which left my core abdominal muscles shot to pieces so my back was doing all the work when I moved, lifted etc, and chasing around, lifting and carrying two small boys. The combination of the above was not looking good for my back, but I would be naive to say that I wasn't aware of the potential problem, didn't get warning signs of pain in my back which I ignored, and hadn't been shown back and core strengthening exercises that I just hadn't been doing.
So, now that I have seen the worst (or as close to the worst as I want to get) of back injury, I have new resolve to get my back strong so that this does not happen again. I have been doing hydro-therapy in the hospital pool all week which has been great, and has got me up and walking around again, able to shower myself etc. I still can't sit for long periods and it will be some time before I can do that, bending is still difficult, and I won't be able to lift the boys for some time, but there has been definite progress and I am heading home tomorrow. I have an appointment with my physio next week to develop a program that I will follow to get these musles strong and I am committed to following it.
Why this is also of importance to me, is that Hubby and I had decided to try for another baby about now. As a result of my injury this will need to wait - I do not want to put additional pressure on my fragile back until it is strong again.
I have missed my boys so much while being in here, and can't wait to get home to them. I feel like a kid at Christmas counting the sleeps till tomorrow!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Random facts meme
Megan tagged me for this meme, and given that i am flat on my back on a Sunday afternoon, now is a great time to do it!
Rules
1.Link to the person who ‘tagged’ you! Not sure how to do a link - sorry!
2. Post the rules on your blog!
3. List 6 random facts about yourself!
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post!
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by commenting on their blog!
6. Let the tagger know the entry is posted on your blog!
6 random facts:
1. I have a 'feet' thing - i can't stand having bare feet and must be wearing socks, shoes, thongs etc at all times - except in bed or in the shower.
2. I have an irrational fear of water where i can't see the bottom, ie. lakes, pools etc. I hyperventilate etc and have to get out. I say it is irrational becuase I was a real water baby as a kid, and still love to swim, and can't really tie this fear to any particular event which happened etc.
3. I once 'wagged' sport when I was in year 5 at primary school and felt so guilty afterwards that I confessed to my mother who went to the school and told the principal - incidentally, I ran into that principal at a funeral a few weeks ago and she had no recollection of that episode that I now remember as well as if it was yesterday!
4. I have very wrinkly and 'old lady' looking hands.
5. I am a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to ironing - I iron everything - tea towels, sheets, towels etc. I blame my mother.
6. Sometimes when I can't sleep i tap my ankles together to relax me. Weird I know.
I think everyone I know who blogs has already been tagged for this one!
Rules
1.Link to the person who ‘tagged’ you! Not sure how to do a link - sorry!
2. Post the rules on your blog!
3. List 6 random facts about yourself!
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post!
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by commenting on their blog!
6. Let the tagger know the entry is posted on your blog!
6 random facts:
1. I have a 'feet' thing - i can't stand having bare feet and must be wearing socks, shoes, thongs etc at all times - except in bed or in the shower.
2. I have an irrational fear of water where i can't see the bottom, ie. lakes, pools etc. I hyperventilate etc and have to get out. I say it is irrational becuase I was a real water baby as a kid, and still love to swim, and can't really tie this fear to any particular event which happened etc.
3. I once 'wagged' sport when I was in year 5 at primary school and felt so guilty afterwards that I confessed to my mother who went to the school and told the principal - incidentally, I ran into that principal at a funeral a few weeks ago and she had no recollection of that episode that I now remember as well as if it was yesterday!
4. I have very wrinkly and 'old lady' looking hands.
5. I am a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to ironing - I iron everything - tea towels, sheets, towels etc. I blame my mother.
6. Sometimes when I can't sleep i tap my ankles together to relax me. Weird I know.
I think everyone I know who blogs has already been tagged for this one!
Learning about helplessness
I am learning a big lesson about being patient, accepting help and being vulnerable. For the first time in my adult life, I am completely physically helpless. An old back injury from my first year at university has flared up in a way that is worse than the original injury leaving me flat on my back in bed, unable to sit up, roll over, dress myself, feed myself, clean my teeth, and for the first two days, go to the toilet by myself. And it has been hard.
I got up on Friday morning feeling fine, felt a little twinge in my lower back while changing Action Man's nappy but didnt think too much about it, then after getting out of the shower i was leaning over drying my feet and felt a large ripping feeling in my lower back, excruciating pain, and called out for Hubby through my tears, who carried me back to bed where I have remained since. A bit of light relief was Action Man sternly telling me as I was crying in pain 'Mummy, stop being Mr Miserable!' - his favourite book of the moment is 'Mr Happy' which obviously also features Mr Miserable.
Hubby managed to dress me, we got a physio to do a home visit and the doctor came to inject me with pain relief, and i have stayed in bed, flat on my back. There is nothing like something like this to make one realise how much we take for granted, and while I often yearn for a day in bed, I only want it on my terms! This injury will heal - although it doesn't feel like that at the moment - and I wonder how i would cope if i was faced with an injury that wouldn't heal.
Hubby has been wonderful, although for him it has been like looking after 3 children for the weekend, and he and my mum managed this afternoon to get me up and to the toilet and in the shower which was absolute bliss after almost 3 days. It brings a new meaning to 'in sickness and in health', and challenges to my own sensitivities, to have to rely on my husband so absolutely for the bare necessities of daily life and care.
I am posting this from bed, with the laptop balanced on my stomach, and little visibility of the keyboard so apologies for typos - will hopefully get some more mobility in the next few days which will make life easier, and make it easier to send an update from the bed!
I got up on Friday morning feeling fine, felt a little twinge in my lower back while changing Action Man's nappy but didnt think too much about it, then after getting out of the shower i was leaning over drying my feet and felt a large ripping feeling in my lower back, excruciating pain, and called out for Hubby through my tears, who carried me back to bed where I have remained since. A bit of light relief was Action Man sternly telling me as I was crying in pain 'Mummy, stop being Mr Miserable!' - his favourite book of the moment is 'Mr Happy' which obviously also features Mr Miserable.
Hubby managed to dress me, we got a physio to do a home visit and the doctor came to inject me with pain relief, and i have stayed in bed, flat on my back. There is nothing like something like this to make one realise how much we take for granted, and while I often yearn for a day in bed, I only want it on my terms! This injury will heal - although it doesn't feel like that at the moment - and I wonder how i would cope if i was faced with an injury that wouldn't heal.
Hubby has been wonderful, although for him it has been like looking after 3 children for the weekend, and he and my mum managed this afternoon to get me up and to the toilet and in the shower which was absolute bliss after almost 3 days. It brings a new meaning to 'in sickness and in health', and challenges to my own sensitivities, to have to rely on my husband so absolutely for the bare necessities of daily life and care.
I am posting this from bed, with the laptop balanced on my stomach, and little visibility of the keyboard so apologies for typos - will hopefully get some more mobility in the next few days which will make life easier, and make it easier to send an update from the bed!
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