Sunday, December 30, 2007

Haven't blogged for a while, so Merry Christmas to all!

Several reasons for lack of blogging - end of year work being busy, horrible things happening at work which monopolised my attention and that I can't really write about, and getting ready for Christmas.

It struck me during the frenzied last week before Christmas when I was up late most nights doing handmade Christmas cards with photos of the boys, handmade calendars for both grandmothers, a photo book I put together, laminated etc for the boys, etc, etc, that I may not be doing all of these things for the most noble of reasons. Giving it some thought I wondered whether I was doing the cards for the benefit of those who will receive them, the calendars for the grandmas and the book for the boys - yes, of course I was. But there was another reason - I was doing it to prove something to myself, or rather to address one of my own insecurities - I was doing it to prove (to myself alone I'm sure, as I'm quite certain that no one else gives it much thought really!) that I can work and still be the 'mum'. Yes, I may dress up in a suit 3 days a weeks and play with the big boys (or attempt to) in the concrete jungle,but I can still make my own Christmas cards, make my own calendars and put together handmade gifts for my boys - I can also leap tall piles of washing in a single bound, clean like a machine, and cook up a storm such that my children never (heaven forbid!) eat from a jar.

As I said, not the most noble of reasons. I wonder if I'm the only one????

Anyway, I digress. Am currently relaxing in the Hunter Valley in a house on the vineyards for 5 nights with my family - Mum, Dad, sister, brother-in-law and nephew who is about the same age as Action Man. Its lovely - although the house that was advertised on the internet as 'luxury accommodation' was described as such VERY loosely! We spent the previous 5 nights in Hubby's home town over Christmas, which was also nice, made much more pleasant by the fact that I had negotiated earlier in the year that we stayed "off site" rather than with the m-i-l. Much needed relief for all!

Have had several ideas/thoughts for future posts over the time that we have been away and thought that I would list them here so that I remember them, as I often have these ideas, then get in front of the computer and promptly forget about them!

List is as follows:

- "One of the best things I have ever done"
- Another baby?
- The family farm

And now I have forgotten the rest again!!!!!

Friday, December 14, 2007

Christmas meme

I have been tagged in a meme - didn't know what a meme was prior to being tagged, and wasn't sure what tagging meant, so have been watching the blogs of the other 'tag-ees' to see what they have done and am now doing what i think I am supposed to do!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper where things are 'easy' to wrap. I cheat with the gift bags for awkwardly shaped presents although try to limit my use of them as they can get quite expensive. I'm a bit of a gift wrapping perfectionist (or 'facist' is another word that has been used to describe my approach) - a hangover from years working in a newsagency at Christmas time that had a gift wrapping service ....

2. Real tree or artificial? Always had artificial when we were growing up but I like the idea of real - but not the mess!

3. When do you put up your tree? For the last 2 years it has been the closest weekend after 3 December as that is Action Man's birthday and we want each event to be special in its own right.

4. When do you take the tree down? Usually when we get home from our trip to family over Christmas but before I go back to work - so around epiphany.

5. Do you like eggnog? No idea - never tried it!

6. Favourite gift received as a child? I got a teddy bear called 'Pammy' when I was about 12. I had really wanted this teddy bear - I mean REALLY. Not sure why.

7. Do you have a Nativity scene? No. Have been meaning to do the advent calendar thing for a few years but haven't got around to it - mainly as a result of being heavily pregnant or immediately post natal for the last 2 Christmases in a row, and this year just not getting round to it yet - there is still time!

8. Hardest person to buy for? My grandmother.

9. Easiest person to buy for? My Boys - but its too easy and I have to stop myself from just being ridiculous.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I don't know - I haven't received a truly bad one that I can remember. Last year we got an ugly vase and a wooden fish that was made so that it moved by itself when the wind blew on it - I find it quite creepy. They are both from family though so we keep them and put them on display when said family visits.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail. Last year I did homemade cards with a lovely Christmas photo of Action Man on the front. Trying to do the same this year but Boys being quite un-cooperative in the photo posing stakes and am rapidly running out of time! Feel that I have created the precedent now with last year's effort so am still trying!

12. Favorite Christmas movie? It’s a Wonderful Life. I also like Love Actually.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? A couple of months before - if I see something when I am out I buy it and stash it away.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Am about to do it this year for the first time. We received some toys last Christmas for Action Man that were a little old for him, so he is getting them this Christmas - does that make me bad?

15. Favorite things to eat at Christmas? Pork - especially the crackling! And especially cold the next day on sandwiches! And my mum gets fantastic Christmas cakes from a cake shop in the Sydney suburb we grew up in - it is a special trip each year as none of us live there anymore but we haven't found any cakes as nice anywhere else - especially not the ones I have attempted to make over the years!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Coloured.

17. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night – my absolute winner.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel - every year. My family one year, Hubby's the next.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? No. Its 5am and I've been up for almost 3 hours. Try me again when I've had more sleep.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Star. Not a fan of the angel.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning in my family. In Hubby's family we wait until after lunch on Christmas day.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Christmas 'carols' that have nothing to do with what Christmas is really about. People who write 'Xmas' and who say 'happy holidays'.

23. What is the "corniest" family tradition you do, or miss doing? When I was growing up we would sit around the tree on Christmas eve and watch the carols from the Myer music bowl in Melbourne - this was when they were 'carols' sung by proper singers and not the dodgy Christmas songs with no meaning that are now sung by tv stars and Australian idol winners. I can't sit through it now.

24. Ugliest Christmas Decoration ever invented? We own it. My husband bought it as a joke - a cardboard Santa with a concertina red belly. The definition of kitsch. (We also have a Thanksgiving turkey on the same theme - why? I have no idea!)

.25. Which looks the best, theme trees or homey trees? I like the idea of themed trees, and the look of them in magazines and shops, but have some decorations with sentimental value that I can't let go of. Am fighting the tinsel war with Hubby - I am not a fan but he has snuck some on. Grrrr.

26. What does Christmas mean to you? The birth of Jesus - how awesome is that?

Friday 14 December 2007 - not looking good so far

Its 4am, I'm up, I have been up since 2.30am, and only sleeping in very patchy intervals from 11pm. At this point I usually decide that there is not much point going back to bed - even if a miracle occurs and screaming child (Flipper) decides that it might be a good time to go back to sleep. Sigh.

This post is going to be a bit of a whinge - so if you are not in the mood for a whinge feel free to stop reading - I won't mind!

This has not been a good week.

I found out something sad about a friend - long standing work colleague that I have been friends with for about 10 years - admittedly the friendship has staled a bit lately as we have drifted apart with different things going on in our lives and he had seemed to have changed a bit into someone I wasn't sure I liked a lot of the time. Anyway, this friend has been married for 10 years, to his childhood sweetheart (they met at school). She is pregnant with their first child - due late Jan 2008. My friend has left her, he has moved out, they are getting a divorce. I'm stunned and sad, and am probably thinking about it way too much. It calls into question the whole 'staying together for the sake of the kids' thing and the question of who your responsibility is to once you have children, or have conceived a child - to yourself in order to be happy and to be the best person you can be in order to be the best parent you can be, or to your child in order to give them the best start in life, being two parents in the same home - if you assume of course that that is the best start in life. He has already accused me of being 'judgemental' and I don't want to be, but I just can't get my head around it. I guess also with the experience of becoming a mother being relatively recent for me, I am aware of the changes - physical, emotional and mental - that a woman having a child for the first time goes through, and how difficult that can be (while also being wonderful) even when there is a supportive and loving partner beside you 24 hours a day helping you, telling you are doing well, and just loving you. And I feel so sad that my friend's wife won't have that. As I said at the outset, I am thinking about this way too much, and going into it on this blog in such an amount of detail is probably a function of my sleep deprivation, but also my way of processing it. Its just so sad.

And on top of that, I am having troubles at work. I can't go into detail about them but they are not good.

Finally, Action Man did his first wee on the toilet yesterday and Mummy wasn't here. I cried when I found out - probably a combination reaction to everything else, and maybe an overreaction, but it made me sad.

Anway, it is now 4.30am, all is quiet, and I need to be up in an hour anyway. Think I'll have a cup of tea and do the ironing. Hoping the day gets better from here ......... and if not, there's always an early night tonight!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

What am I doing wrong?????

I was the lone ranger tonight putting the boys down - nothing gargantuan, just cooking and feeding them dinner, bathing, dressing, stories, prayers, bed. The end result was okay - in bed and asleep by 7.15pm, but the process was not a pleasant one. Constant screaming, interspersed with whinging and whining, kiwi fruit and yoghurt all over the floor (and me), fisticuffs in the bath, and a completely failed story attempt and no attention paid by Action Man during prayers. Nothing at all like the books, movies and tv ads present bedtime to be - no soft focus lighting, little eyes drifting closed, gentle smiles at mummy and lovely cuddles and kisses. It was a battle from start to finish.

Is it only me that this happens to? What am I doing wrong?????

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Great expectations

Yesterday (Dec 3rd) was Action Man's second birthday. We were very excited and wanted the day to be lovely for him - not that he really knows much what it means, despite running around the house yesterday announcing "I'm 2!" to anyone who asked.

I am always off work on Mondays, so Hubby took the day off too so that we could spend the day together. We had a specialist appointment for Flipper in the morning which I had been a little worried about but it was all ok so we set off very happily afterwards for 'Toys R Us' to buy Action Man's birthday present (Mummy had not been organised enough to get it earlier - bad mummy!) I may have mentioned it before, but he is OBSESSED with cars, trucks and anything that has wheels and goes - including bikes. He has a little ride on dinky thing but seems to have outgrown that and is always heading for the trikes that other kids bring to the park, so we decided that we would get him a trike - the ones that have a handle so that we can steer for him.

My grand plan for the rest of the day went something like this......

- buy trike and head home
- boys down for sleep - that they ALWAYS have at about 12.30/1pm for at least an hour and a half
- while boys asleep Mummy makes birthday cake, maybe grabs a little lie down, and Hubby mows and tidies lawns
- boys wake up in lovely mood and we take boys and new trike and birthday cake to the park for a picnic afternoon tea
- early dinner at local pizza place that knows us and is happy to have the boys there
- home for bed
- Mummy and Daddy have a relaxing evening (and maybe for something fun, Mummy attempts the great pile of ironing currently taking on a life of its own in the laundry).

Here's what actually happened ...

-buy trike and head home (so far so good - the next one is where it gooes pear shaped)
- boys refuse to sleep - for the first time in I can't remember how long
- Mummy makes cake in a big rush while listening to boys carrying on and refusing to sleep
-lawns not mowed or tidied
-boys not in lovely mood - in fact, they are quite cranky and difficult
- sudden thunderstorm ruins plans for afternoon picnic
- Mummy feeling very ill - having caught the bug the boys had last week
- against all better judgement still head to pizza place where Action Man refuses to sit, eat, or generally behave, and Flipper just cracks it because he is way too tired
- walk home in second drenching thunderstorm of the day because of course we forgot the umbrellas
- boys do go down to bed ok, but no relaxing (or ironing) for Mummy as I retire to bed at 8pm feeling absolutely shocking.

Ok - so not a tragedy, not life threatening, and I am laughing about it today - but I think things like this happen every so often to remind me that planning when it comes to kids (and the weather in Sydney at the moment - go figure!) is futile and that despite my routine based approach and general orderliness, we just need to go with the flow, and Mummy needs to learn to CHILL OUT!