Its 4am, I'm up, I have been up since 2.30am, and only sleeping in very patchy intervals from 11pm. At this point I usually decide that there is not much point going back to bed - even if a miracle occurs and screaming child (Flipper) decides that it might be a good time to go back to sleep. Sigh.
This post is going to be a bit of a whinge - so if you are not in the mood for a whinge feel free to stop reading - I won't mind!
This has not been a good week.
I found out something sad about a friend - long standing work colleague that I have been friends with for about 10 years - admittedly the friendship has staled a bit lately as we have drifted apart with different things going on in our lives and he had seemed to have changed a bit into someone I wasn't sure I liked a lot of the time. Anyway, this friend has been married for 10 years, to his childhood sweetheart (they met at school). She is pregnant with their first child - due late Jan 2008. My friend has left her, he has moved out, they are getting a divorce. I'm stunned and sad, and am probably thinking about it way too much. It calls into question the whole 'staying together for the sake of the kids' thing and the question of who your responsibility is to once you have children, or have conceived a child - to yourself in order to be happy and to be the best person you can be in order to be the best parent you can be, or to your child in order to give them the best start in life, being two parents in the same home - if you assume of course that that is the best start in life. He has already accused me of being 'judgemental' and I don't want to be, but I just can't get my head around it. I guess also with the experience of becoming a mother being relatively recent for me, I am aware of the changes - physical, emotional and mental - that a woman having a child for the first time goes through, and how difficult that can be (while also being wonderful) even when there is a supportive and loving partner beside you 24 hours a day helping you, telling you are doing well, and just loving you. And I feel so sad that my friend's wife won't have that. As I said at the outset, I am thinking about this way too much, and going into it on this blog in such an amount of detail is probably a function of my sleep deprivation, but also my way of processing it. Its just so sad.
And on top of that, I am having troubles at work. I can't go into detail about them but they are not good.
Finally, Action Man did his first wee on the toilet yesterday and Mummy wasn't here. I cried when I found out - probably a combination reaction to everything else, and maybe an overreaction, but it made me sad.
Anway, it is now 4.30am, all is quiet, and I need to be up in an hour anyway. Think I'll have a cup of tea and do the ironing. Hoping the day gets better from here ......... and if not, there's always an early night tonight!
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3 comments:
It is really sad.
But a thought is constantly bugging my mind "Perhaps both might have reached the saturation stage. Both needed more while thinking that the other had exhausted the reservoir of energy, love and care."
Please correct me if I am wrong, but I was just thinking this way.
Advice: Lessen your sensitivity if you can. Otherwise you will be troubled always!
Being a mother for the first time is incredibly daunting, and I just feel for her. How sad we are as humans, eh?
Don't worry about being too sensitive. It makes me very sad, too.
Just to add to my last comment:
Marriage is not like an iceberg that you sit on and hope it doesn't melt away. Marriage is like a tapestry. It is two lives woven together over time. If you leave it alone, it can fray and disappear. But if you work on the image together, you end up with something intricate and so much more beautiful than when you began.
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