How many days a week?

I had a meeting yesterday with two of the leaders of my group at work - yes, there are several 'leaders' - our organisation has openly taken the view that there needs to be lots of leaders in the organisation - I think there is a unwritten policy somewhere that if 3 people are walking down a corridor together, someone needs to be elected their leader! I am not a great fan of male/female gender stereotyping, but this seems to me to be a particularly 'male' way of carrying on.

Anyway, I digress ...... the purpose of the meeting was to check how I am going, etc, which was good. Inevitably however, the question of how many days I am currently working (I currently work Tuesday, Thursday and Friday) and when I planned to increase them, came up.

My answer was that I was not intending to increase them at the moment, and could not see myself being willing to do that any time in the foreseaable future. The reason that I gave was that my 3 days inevitably became 4 or 5 each week, when I took into account the emails, phone calls, and work I did from home, and the meetings that seem to come up each week that I have to come in for on my 'days off'. I said that I did not want to increase my official days to 4 because then that would become 5 or 6, and then I would not see my children.

The immediate response was that that was fine and that there was no requirement to increase my days. I got the feeling that that response was not so much what they were feeling, but what they know they are expected to say. But - it was the reponse I wanted so I'll take it however it happens to come. But, it was followed by the comment that my position was really no different from a full time person, because in our jobs a 5 day a week job usually becomes a 6 or 7 day a week job.

I'm still thinking through whether I agree with that. But I'm also wondering, whether that makes it right????

The things kids say

Trying to get Action Man to est his dinner tonight I asked him to "put a piece of carrot in his tummy for mummy". He proceeded to lift his shirt and try to insert the carrot through his belly button. I couldn't help but laugh.....

Jack of all trades, master of none

Despite my earlier optimism (posts from last year) the work/mum thing is not working. I am really struggling. Its not just tiredness - everyone who has kids gets tired, and its not just guilt - although I'm great at that, and its not that I feel like my life is out of control - because I knock myself out staying organised. Its that I feel that of the two things I 'do' - being a mum, and being a partner in a large firm - I am doing neither of them well. And I hate that.

ps. to post above

I didn't actually go to the meeting in the end.

At about 3.30pm a massive headache hit me from behind and I couldn't make it in.

I think that was seen as an acceptable excuse to not be there.

Irony in the workplace # 1

A meeting was called for all of the partners in my division of my firm. It was a pretty important meeting, basically to discuss our "off plan" revenue performance for this financial year to date and what we are going to do to claw it back in the remainder of this financial year.

The original meeting request was for 8am Friday morning - perfect for me as Friday is one of my work days. The request was then changed for 5pm Wednesday - not good for me at all as Wednesday is one of my non-work days. Even if Wednesday was not one of my work days, 5pm would be no good for me as I like to leave at 5pm so I can get home to see my boys before they go to bed (that is why I am usually in the office at 7am). My response to this change was to sigh, realise that this is my lot in life as the only part time partner in this division (there are only 4 women out of about 20, only 2 of these have children - I am 1 of those 2 and the other is currently on maternity leave but works full time when she is at work) and ask Hubby to come home from work early on Wednesday so I can make the meeting. As a part time partner I can't expect the way the office runs to change for me, so I make the necessary arrangements such that I can work in with the office (within reason anyway).

So this is all fine. I then ran into the PA of the head of our division who had noticed that I had accepted the meeting request even though I didn't 'work' on Wednesdays (on another note, I find this notion that I don't 'work' on Mondays and Wednesdays a real joke - yes I am 'not in the office' which is my preferred description for it, but I find myself answering calls, emailing on my Blackberry and working while the boys are asleep and after they have gone to bed - so Mondays and Wednesdays being my 'days off' or the days that I 'don't work' is a bit of a misnomer). I said that I thought the meeting was important so I had made arrangements to come in for it. She then mentioned that the reason it had changed was because there her boss (male) had this year committed to take his son to school on Friday mornings so the meeting couldn't be then.

This is great - I think that there are more men who work in jobs like mine who should make this sort of commitment, and yes, he is the head of the division so he gets to decide when the meetings are, and yes, 5pm Wednesday or 8am Friday is probably no skin off the nose of the other partners (although truth be told few of them are in the office before 9am so it would have made an early morning for them!). But what gets me about this is that despite all the steps we have taken in recognising the contribution of working mothers and the issues that we have, the flexibility that some workplaces (and I have to say that mine does offer a lot of flexibility - at least officially) when a man takes time away from work to do something with his family he is seen as some kind of superhero - "so hands on", "really committed to his kids" - but when I 'work' part time and am paid part time, there is this expectation that I will leave my kids, on my 'day off' to come in for a half an hour meeting.

I think this is a little ironic.

An up and down week

I haven't blogged for a week - and what a week it has been. Very up and down, but with a pattern - up on the family and personal side, and down on the work side.

On the up side - some great things have happened, the most notable of which being that Flipper turned 1 on January 24. This was a big day for us as a family, a real milestone. Hubby and I both took the day off work and the four of us just hung out, mooched around the house, played in the garden, went out for noodles for dinner, and just enjoyed being together. And as Hubby and I sat on the deck and clinked our champagne glasses after they were in bed, it was a wonderful feeling. Our little family has had a rough year with one thing and another, but to be in the place we are now is such a blessing and gives us real cause to be thankful.

We had a little party for him on Sunday afternoon - just family really - but of course I knocked myself out cooking for it anyway (!) and that was lots of fun. A real blessing was that Hubby's mother was able to come down for the party - in a DAY TRIP! The reason for the capitals is that she lives approx. 7 hours drive away and came down for the party arriving at 2pm, and went home that night leaving at 5pm. Not sure what the reason was for not staying (I don' think its me ........ ?!) but I know she doesn't like to be away from home much. Anyway, it was her amazingly generous and kind hearted brother who lives in the same town who drove her down and took her home, so we felt very lucky that they were able to join us. My wonderful parents and sister and her husband and son were also there (as they have been every step of the way) and it was a great celebration.

Then, on Monday, I got to spend the day alone with Flipper. This does not sound like a big deal, but it occurred to me half way through the day that it was the first time I had spent more than about half an hour one on one with him in about 6 months. Because the boys pretty much sleep, eat, play, and do everything at the same time, it is rare for me to be one on one with either of them - I do get more one on one time with Action Man though as Flipper still has a nap in the mornings as well as the nap they have at the same time after lunch. It was a lovely time -we played, read stories, went for a walk, had lunch at a coffee shop, went to the park - and I absolutely relished the opportunity to focus all of my attention on him. It was a real blessing and something I think I will actively seek to do more of with both of them.

I am a very lucky woman.