Friday, February 15, 2008
Jack of all trades, master of none
Despite my earlier optimism (posts from last year) the work/mum thing is not working. I am really struggling. Its not just tiredness - everyone who has kids gets tired, and its not just guilt - although I'm great at that, and its not that I feel like my life is out of control - because I knock myself out staying organised. Its that I feel that of the two things I 'do' - being a mum, and being a partner in a large firm - I am doing neither of them well. And I hate that.
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4 comments:
What a discouraging position to be in. I hope that God will allow you to feel some contentment in your situation, and that you will learn to notice all the positives, even though there might be many negatives at the moment.
I can't tell you how many times I think those exact thoughts. I work 4 full days a week and on Friday I 'work from home'. Some Fridays I'm busy and glued to the laptop, others I get away with just checking my Blackberry. I always feel like I'm not doing justice to any part - I know I'm just doing enough for my job, and that the scope for development is nil as I can't do more than is required. And then I feel like I'm never doing the right thing by my daughter either as she's shoved into nursery for 10 hour days! I like reading your blog, a lot of what I read are stay at home mum's so it's nice to read about another working mum too. Agnes.
Part time work is like that - it's like an instant guilt machine!
Having struggled with a part time job while also doing a full time one, I can sympathise. I never felt like I was doing as much as I should, mainly because I was comparing myself to the full-time people around me. I also felt like I was ripping my full-time job off because I'd have to move my work hours around to do the part-time one. Very stressful!
I know it may not help, but even "full-time" mothering can just as easily leave you feeling like you're not doing a good job. Your kids remember the quality, not the quantity, and from the sounds of it, you're working hard to give that quality time. :)
Thanks for all comments - I think that the thing I need to do is what I have done - make a plan, or at least have a goal of how to fix things. This is not 'instant solution' territory, but at least by acknowledging it to myself I'm starting to head in the right direction.
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