Hubby asked me this morning why I have not yet done a hospital post ( I have been here since last Wednesday midnight when we finally gave in to my incapacitation and excruciating back spasms and called an ambulance). My immediate answer was that I was too bored and had nothing to say - and there is something in that - tomorrow will mark 2 weeks of forced absolute inactivity which up until now I thought would be heaven, but has been anything but! It also has been the case that up until Tuesday I was so doped out on painkillers, muscle relaxants etc ( I had quite an extreme reaction to them on Tuesday so the medication was changed) and couldn't do much but lie in bed on my back, so opportunities to post have been minimal. Just on that though, I have managed to log into emails every day for work and keep things on track, so maybe its just that my priorities are a little off!
But, being here has given me time to do some thinking - nothing terribly profound I must say, but just thinking about how things I have done and my lifestyle have got me into this predicament, and how the lifestyle of others on my ward have led us all here.
I'm not being self-flagellating here - I am realistic about how this happened - a sporting injury 15 years ago, which left my back compromised but hasn't really bothered me for about 10 or so years, two pregnancies in 13 months which left my core abdominal muscles shot to pieces so my back was doing all the work when I moved, lifted etc, and chasing around, lifting and carrying two small boys. The combination of the above was not looking good for my back, but I would be naive to say that I wasn't aware of the potential problem, didn't get warning signs of pain in my back which I ignored, and hadn't been shown back and core strengthening exercises that I just hadn't been doing.
So, now that I have seen the worst (or as close to the worst as I want to get) of back injury, I have new resolve to get my back strong so that this does not happen again. I have been doing hydro-therapy in the hospital pool all week which has been great, and has got me up and walking around again, able to shower myself etc. I still can't sit for long periods and it will be some time before I can do that, bending is still difficult, and I won't be able to lift the boys for some time, but there has been definite progress and I am heading home tomorrow. I have an appointment with my physio next week to develop a program that I will follow to get these musles strong and I am committed to following it.
Why this is also of importance to me, is that Hubby and I had decided to try for another baby about now. As a result of my injury this will need to wait - I do not want to put additional pressure on my fragile back until it is strong again.
I have missed my boys so much while being in here, and can't wait to get home to them. I feel like a kid at Christmas counting the sleeps till tomorrow!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Random facts meme
Megan tagged me for this meme, and given that i am flat on my back on a Sunday afternoon, now is a great time to do it!
Rules
1.Link to the person who ‘tagged’ you! Not sure how to do a link - sorry!
2. Post the rules on your blog!
3. List 6 random facts about yourself!
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post!
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by commenting on their blog!
6. Let the tagger know the entry is posted on your blog!
6 random facts:
1. I have a 'feet' thing - i can't stand having bare feet and must be wearing socks, shoes, thongs etc at all times - except in bed or in the shower.
2. I have an irrational fear of water where i can't see the bottom, ie. lakes, pools etc. I hyperventilate etc and have to get out. I say it is irrational becuase I was a real water baby as a kid, and still love to swim, and can't really tie this fear to any particular event which happened etc.
3. I once 'wagged' sport when I was in year 5 at primary school and felt so guilty afterwards that I confessed to my mother who went to the school and told the principal - incidentally, I ran into that principal at a funeral a few weeks ago and she had no recollection of that episode that I now remember as well as if it was yesterday!
4. I have very wrinkly and 'old lady' looking hands.
5. I am a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to ironing - I iron everything - tea towels, sheets, towels etc. I blame my mother.
6. Sometimes when I can't sleep i tap my ankles together to relax me. Weird I know.
I think everyone I know who blogs has already been tagged for this one!
Rules
1.Link to the person who ‘tagged’ you! Not sure how to do a link - sorry!
2. Post the rules on your blog!
3. List 6 random facts about yourself!
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post!
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by commenting on their blog!
6. Let the tagger know the entry is posted on your blog!
6 random facts:
1. I have a 'feet' thing - i can't stand having bare feet and must be wearing socks, shoes, thongs etc at all times - except in bed or in the shower.
2. I have an irrational fear of water where i can't see the bottom, ie. lakes, pools etc. I hyperventilate etc and have to get out. I say it is irrational becuase I was a real water baby as a kid, and still love to swim, and can't really tie this fear to any particular event which happened etc.
3. I once 'wagged' sport when I was in year 5 at primary school and felt so guilty afterwards that I confessed to my mother who went to the school and told the principal - incidentally, I ran into that principal at a funeral a few weeks ago and she had no recollection of that episode that I now remember as well as if it was yesterday!
4. I have very wrinkly and 'old lady' looking hands.
5. I am a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to ironing - I iron everything - tea towels, sheets, towels etc. I blame my mother.
6. Sometimes when I can't sleep i tap my ankles together to relax me. Weird I know.
I think everyone I know who blogs has already been tagged for this one!
Learning about helplessness
I am learning a big lesson about being patient, accepting help and being vulnerable. For the first time in my adult life, I am completely physically helpless. An old back injury from my first year at university has flared up in a way that is worse than the original injury leaving me flat on my back in bed, unable to sit up, roll over, dress myself, feed myself, clean my teeth, and for the first two days, go to the toilet by myself. And it has been hard.
I got up on Friday morning feeling fine, felt a little twinge in my lower back while changing Action Man's nappy but didnt think too much about it, then after getting out of the shower i was leaning over drying my feet and felt a large ripping feeling in my lower back, excruciating pain, and called out for Hubby through my tears, who carried me back to bed where I have remained since. A bit of light relief was Action Man sternly telling me as I was crying in pain 'Mummy, stop being Mr Miserable!' - his favourite book of the moment is 'Mr Happy' which obviously also features Mr Miserable.
Hubby managed to dress me, we got a physio to do a home visit and the doctor came to inject me with pain relief, and i have stayed in bed, flat on my back. There is nothing like something like this to make one realise how much we take for granted, and while I often yearn for a day in bed, I only want it on my terms! This injury will heal - although it doesn't feel like that at the moment - and I wonder how i would cope if i was faced with an injury that wouldn't heal.
Hubby has been wonderful, although for him it has been like looking after 3 children for the weekend, and he and my mum managed this afternoon to get me up and to the toilet and in the shower which was absolute bliss after almost 3 days. It brings a new meaning to 'in sickness and in health', and challenges to my own sensitivities, to have to rely on my husband so absolutely for the bare necessities of daily life and care.
I am posting this from bed, with the laptop balanced on my stomach, and little visibility of the keyboard so apologies for typos - will hopefully get some more mobility in the next few days which will make life easier, and make it easier to send an update from the bed!
I got up on Friday morning feeling fine, felt a little twinge in my lower back while changing Action Man's nappy but didnt think too much about it, then after getting out of the shower i was leaning over drying my feet and felt a large ripping feeling in my lower back, excruciating pain, and called out for Hubby through my tears, who carried me back to bed where I have remained since. A bit of light relief was Action Man sternly telling me as I was crying in pain 'Mummy, stop being Mr Miserable!' - his favourite book of the moment is 'Mr Happy' which obviously also features Mr Miserable.
Hubby managed to dress me, we got a physio to do a home visit and the doctor came to inject me with pain relief, and i have stayed in bed, flat on my back. There is nothing like something like this to make one realise how much we take for granted, and while I often yearn for a day in bed, I only want it on my terms! This injury will heal - although it doesn't feel like that at the moment - and I wonder how i would cope if i was faced with an injury that wouldn't heal.
Hubby has been wonderful, although for him it has been like looking after 3 children for the weekend, and he and my mum managed this afternoon to get me up and to the toilet and in the shower which was absolute bliss after almost 3 days. It brings a new meaning to 'in sickness and in health', and challenges to my own sensitivities, to have to rely on my husband so absolutely for the bare necessities of daily life and care.
I am posting this from bed, with the laptop balanced on my stomach, and little visibility of the keyboard so apologies for typos - will hopefully get some more mobility in the next few days which will make life easier, and make it easier to send an update from the bed!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
June and July update
Have been very slack with blogging - no intriguing and insightful theories as to why though ...
By way of update, here is a snapshot of what has been going on ...
1. Yuliana - our 'nanny' who looks after the boys on the 3 days I am at work went home to Indonesia for 5 weeks during June/early July. We shared out the days between Hubby, my parents and I, and got through it ok. I enjoyed the extra time at home and I think the boys did too.
2. It was my birthday mid July and Hubby and I stole away for the weekend - a whole Friday and Saturday night at a hotel in the city while my parents looked after the boys. It was lovely.
3. The following weekend Hubby went to visit his mother for the weekend, and despite offers from my parents to come and stay to help out, I decided to tough it out on my own. I think I'll take up the offer of help next time.
4. Action Man decided to toilet train himself - I had taken the 'if it's child led it will happen easily, if it's parent led it will be a battle' approach, and had been waiting for him. A few weeks ago he started taking off his nappy and wanting to wear pants. All good I thought - but he changed his mind and we are now back in nappies and I'm not sure what to do!
5. We had a 4 nights away in our proposed new location post move and it was great - despite the yucky weather. Its still a while off, but it was good to have a 'reccy' and get a positive feel.
6. A close family friend passed away last week. It was the end of a sad story. His wife passed away 6 years ago and he never really recovered, he spiralled into alcoholism and his body basically gave out. Probably a subject for a whole other blog. My parents were very close to him from their teaching days in the suburbs where we grew up. Seeing ones parents so bereft is a challenge.
7. We spent a few hours last night at the Randwick Children's Hospital emergency room with Action Man (and Flipper in tow), both in pyjamas and ready for bed. Basically - it was my fault. I gave Action Man the wrong dose of medicine, rang emergency and was told to bring him in. He's fine. I'm not. Also probably another post all on its own.
Hoping to be more frequent from now on.
By way of update, here is a snapshot of what has been going on ...
1. Yuliana - our 'nanny' who looks after the boys on the 3 days I am at work went home to Indonesia for 5 weeks during June/early July. We shared out the days between Hubby, my parents and I, and got through it ok. I enjoyed the extra time at home and I think the boys did too.
2. It was my birthday mid July and Hubby and I stole away for the weekend - a whole Friday and Saturday night at a hotel in the city while my parents looked after the boys. It was lovely.
3. The following weekend Hubby went to visit his mother for the weekend, and despite offers from my parents to come and stay to help out, I decided to tough it out on my own. I think I'll take up the offer of help next time.
4. Action Man decided to toilet train himself - I had taken the 'if it's child led it will happen easily, if it's parent led it will be a battle' approach, and had been waiting for him. A few weeks ago he started taking off his nappy and wanting to wear pants. All good I thought - but he changed his mind and we are now back in nappies and I'm not sure what to do!
5. We had a 4 nights away in our proposed new location post move and it was great - despite the yucky weather. Its still a while off, but it was good to have a 'reccy' and get a positive feel.
6. A close family friend passed away last week. It was the end of a sad story. His wife passed away 6 years ago and he never really recovered, he spiralled into alcoholism and his body basically gave out. Probably a subject for a whole other blog. My parents were very close to him from their teaching days in the suburbs where we grew up. Seeing ones parents so bereft is a challenge.
7. We spent a few hours last night at the Randwick Children's Hospital emergency room with Action Man (and Flipper in tow), both in pyjamas and ready for bed. Basically - it was my fault. I gave Action Man the wrong dose of medicine, rang emergency and was told to bring him in. He's fine. I'm not. Also probably another post all on its own.
Hoping to be more frequent from now on.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Does anyone else ever get the feeling that they are hopeless at just about everything they do? I have that feeing tonight. A disastrous dinner, bath, bed routine has left me feeling like the worst mother alive. I am back at work tomorrow, and that is a place where I definitely don't feel anything like a superhero. I have failed in my quest to lose any weight - if anything I am eating more!
I am about to give up my career to stay at home with my children, and that is something I want more than anything else - despite the massive changes and adjustments I know it will involve. But nights like tonight make me wonder whether it is something they want????? Would they prefer not to have me around if I seem to inspire such chaos?????????
I am about to give up my career to stay at home with my children, and that is something I want more than anything else - despite the massive changes and adjustments I know it will involve. But nights like tonight make me wonder whether it is something they want????? Would they prefer not to have me around if I seem to inspire such chaos?????????
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Not happy today
Not wanting to be at work, hating everything about it, generally in a bad mood, wanting to be at home with the kids.
I know there are millions, no billions and billions of people out there who have it worse than me. But I'm wallowing.
Can I snap out of it????
Or just close my office door today and hope people get the hint.
Grump!
I know there are millions, no billions and billions of people out there who have it worse than me. But I'm wallowing.
Can I snap out of it????
Or just close my office door today and hope people get the hint.
Grump!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Why haven't I posted for a while again?
I have been slack in my posts since returning from holidays. I made a small return a few weeks ago, only to go silent again.
Its not that I don't want to, or don't have ideas of what to say. What it is, is that because I haven't posted about a fairly major thing that has happened/decision that has been made, all of the things that I have thought to post about lately would have no context, ie. they make no sense without the background of where they are coming from. This major decision is occupying my thoughts a lot - as a major decision should I guess. I have been hesitant to post about it for a couple of reasons - mainly because I was worried that someone from work would somehow stumble on this blog and find out. But - I think I'm over that.
So, without further ado, I'll get to it .... we have decided that we are going to leave Sydney, move somewhere lesss hectic and theoretically cheaper to live in, and I am going to quit work and my career. This is all to happen in approx. 12 months or slightly less.
A lot of background to this, but for now I am just getting it out there so I can feel free to post more about it going forward.
There - I've done it!!
Its not that I don't want to, or don't have ideas of what to say. What it is, is that because I haven't posted about a fairly major thing that has happened/decision that has been made, all of the things that I have thought to post about lately would have no context, ie. they make no sense without the background of where they are coming from. This major decision is occupying my thoughts a lot - as a major decision should I guess. I have been hesitant to post about it for a couple of reasons - mainly because I was worried that someone from work would somehow stumble on this blog and find out. But - I think I'm over that.
So, without further ado, I'll get to it .... we have decided that we are going to leave Sydney, move somewhere lesss hectic and theoretically cheaper to live in, and I am going to quit work and my career. This is all to happen in approx. 12 months or slightly less.
A lot of background to this, but for now I am just getting it out there so I can feel free to post more about it going forward.
There - I've done it!!
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