Am feeling funny tonight. Am fresh from a lovely sunny day spent with my boys - we played, met up with friends at the playground, did a little grocery shopping, had a visit from Grandma and Grandad, and Aunty and cousin (3 months younger than Action Man), and while they slept I stewed and pureed 4.5 kilos of fruit for Flipper's meals for the next little while, and hung out and sorted washing ( I also read my book for about half an hour!). Lovely.

They are now in bed and I find myself in front of my computer, doing .... work. And not really resenting it, but feeling quite tired. Which brings me to my funny feeling.

Its about the working mum thing. This has changed for me quite dramatically quite recently and I'm still getting my head around it. Pre Hubby (we married in 2002) - I was the ultimate career woman, I worked long hours, weekends and enjoyed it, felt fulfilled by it, and moved ahead because of it. Post marriage, I toned it down a bit - still worked hard, but worked smarter, spent more time at home and enjoyed the balance (most of the time). Post Action Man, I thought I would never want to work again, so enamoured was I with new motherhood, and then by the time I went back to work (mainly due to obligation as I am a partner with the firm) I was already pregnant with Flipper and very ill a lot of the time, so work was really an annoyance while I coped with a difficult pregnancy, a young baby, and waited for the next one.

Going back this time was a wrench initially - but now I am enjoying it. Enjoying the balance, looking forward to my days at work and my days at home (I work 3 days a week at the moment) and generally feeling good about it.

But I have the guilt thing, and I am feeling pressured to increase my days, and I miss my boys when I'm at work, but I know I would miss work if I didn't do it. Still getting my head around it.